Grief and Loss

FOUR STAGES OF GRIEF

Although each person has their own individual experience of grief, there are four recognizable stages that are often part of the recovery process. The length of time for each stage and the order in which they occur can vary.

The four typical stages of grief are:

• Shock
• Suffering
• Adjustment
• Moving Forward

Shock

When a person learns of the loss of a loved one, they are naturally protected by a numbness, or lack of feeling, that does not allow them to experience all of their grief at once. This is a valuable survival instinct. It may include a stage of denial or disbelief, the inability to even recognize that the loved one is dead. There may also be a time when the sufferer may wonder if they can continue with daily life, or they may question whether or not they want to keep on living. Life may not seem to have any meaning or clarity when someone first learns of a death, especially if it is unexpected.

Suffering

The pain of grief can manifest in many different ways and generally unfolds at the speed that can be handled by the sufferer. After the initial shock of learning of a loss, a person can go through the symptoms of a minor depression. These may include sorrow, fatigue, apathy and yearning for the return of the loved one. During this stage, there may also be withdrawal, not participating in activities that the person once enjoyed. By withdrawing, the grieving person may feel even more isolated and alone.

Anger may also occur at this stage, directed in one of many ways: at the lost loved one, at life in general, at oneself or even a family member or friend. It may be difficult for the sufferer to express themselves clearly when they are overcome with anger and pain regarding their loss. They may feel out of control and helpless to manage the situation.

Adjustment

Once the reality of the loss starts to sink in and the grieving person starts to accept that their life has permanently changed, the adjustment stage can begin. During this stage, the griever may need to take over or replace some of the role of the loved one who has been lost. They may also begin to redefine their own identity, taking into account their new reality.

Moving Forward

When grief begins to lessen and the sufferer’s ability to return to normal life, they can move forward. In this final stage of healing, new relationships can be built. The outlook for the future begins to be positive and the griever’s ability to reach out to others will increase. At this stage, a person can take better care of themselves as well as add new friendships and activities to their life.

Knowing that each situation must be treated individually, one or more of the following options could help the grieving process and each should be explored carefully.